Pete Doherty finally gets to sing like a bird

This isn't a story, more, it's about bloody time. Basically, Babyshambler Pete Doherty has been sentenced to 14 weeks in jail today for continued drug use and missing his probation hearings at the West London Magistrates Court. A court spod said that Doherty had been jailed for "breach of time keeping, non-compliance of his order and using different drugs". This means that he won't be playing Glasto this year and that he won't be playing the sold out show at the Royal Albert Hall on April 26.

What were the PR company thinking when they sent Electric Roulette a new pop metal band promo?

I hate to be one of those snobby rags that dishes up kickings for no reason... but boy... I can't help myself with this one. Some PR company - who clearly haven't read Electric Roulette - have sent in a mini LP by a band called Lights! Action! Nothing wrong with that is there?

Well. Yes.

Before I'd even pressed play or opened the oblig. biography, I was faced with some dog-tags that were sponsored by Jägermeister. Yep. The drink for posh tramps and refined alcoholics. It's the kind of drink that repeats on you in the form of temporary blindness, loss of limbs and violent spewing. Funny that, Lights! Action! are a bit like that.

Worst band names of 2007

All mags, rags and websites get rakes of horrible CDs and rekkids from bands who think they're funny. More often than not, they're just fuckwits. You can tell these bozos a mile off... thanks to their dismal band names.

Some of the worst band names of the year have been collated by The AV Club. Lowlights include The Asbestos Tampons, Baboon Torture Division, Dyslexic Speedreaders, Pistol Whipping Party Penguins, Ballcock Assembly, Gay Witch Abortion, Dance Me Pregnant, The Rape Ape, Capitalist Hippie Complex...

...and there's plenty more where that shower came from. Click here to read the AV Club article. Why not leave us a comment and tell us about some of the dismal band names you've come across. Wet Fish Groovers anyone?

Rock Bottom #74: Chris Waddle and Glenn Hoddle's Diamond Lights

I've nothing against singing footballers. In fact, the sight or a row of 70s players in casual v-neck sweaters tunelessly belting out some annoyingly catchy singalong whilst swaying side-to-side is a joy to behold.

But you have to draw the line at players who genuinely think they can sing. Especially if they have mullets. Enter Chris Waddle and Glenn Hoddle with Diamond Lights, the 80s equivalent of an X- Factor Christmas song. Yes, it's that bad.

Rock Bottom - NME

For a long time now, the NME (or New Musical Express to some older readers) has been a brown trout. Endlessly regurgitating piffle and promoting pointless twang for years and years. In a recent issue, the NME, presumably in an attempt to boost sales with some schlock shock, have claimed Morrissey to be a racist. I don't really like The Smiths... but this defence of him, taken from Holy Moly's Cunts Corner, is priceless.

"It is imperitive that washed-up 'magazines' such as the New Musical Express be staffed by lazy-cunt, fluffy-haired bell-ends with fuck-all to crow about but studenty wankfodder and bastard-all else. If they are not emptying their watery jizz over the latest grubby cabal of jangly -guitar C&P chimps with a post-pre-post-again ironic name like 'The Cunts', they are alluding to some kind of Student Uni in-joke using TS Eliot as a juxtaposed anacronism alluding to some pot-headed fucking wanker who is quite obviously 'the next big thing'. All of them, enslaved, tortured cruelly, made to work very hard breaking up rocks whilst in chains and then summarily, needlessly but savagely executed, when I am king." Brilliant.

Rock Bottom #22: David Bowie and Mick Jagger murder Dancing In The Street

If you're going to  do a cover, don't do a classic - because when it goes wrong, there's nowhere to hide.

Recorded for the original Live Aid,  Dancing In The Street by David Bowie and Mick Jagger is a hideous cover. Two ageing rockers in bad (even for the time) 80s fashion trying to 'out whacky' each other for the camera. And the song? Well, with its bad middle-of-the-road rock backing and shouty vocal, this could be a bad night out at the karaoke.

But hey...it was for charity...