Katie Price's Bushtucker Trial invents new niche adult interest

Someone left I'm a Celebrity... Joe Bugner went in... Kim had a menopausal moment and blah blah blah. Let's face it, it's a lowest common denominator show isn't it? Well... you don't know the half of it...

All of this pales into insignificance when you consider that last night's I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! invented a new type of... shall we say... Adult Interest.

Most adult movies deal in degradation these days. Whole clusters of well-wanged blokes stood around some lass, giving her a viscous shower... or someone crying while they defecate into a tin bucket while some old fella yanks himself into a eye-rolling foam... or that one with a lady dressed up as E.T. - it's all there if you search for it.

Yet, even the most filthy minded sorts who are into the most dreadful and niche interests must get bored, right? At some point, like normal sex, the whole process surely becomes a little passé?

Well, last night, they must have been hopping from foot-to-foot, hoping that their member may accidentally swing right up their arse because in Katie Price's bushtucker trial, we saw triple X action of the most weird and degraded level... and it was on ITV1 just after the watershed!

Y'see, Katie Price/Jordan/Peter Andre Tear Provoker was asked to enter a giant bottle filled with insects. As it turned, the insect fell about her, dropping into her mouth while she grunted and writhed.

The cameramen and producers, not to miss a trick, felt it necessary to zoom in on Price's ample cleavage and, even more surprisingly, got quite close to her... 'front garden'. It wasn't to difficult to imagine a load of mucky blokes from Walsall stood around the thing pulling themselves off like futuristic doggers.

On emerging from said giganto-bottle, we were then treated to Price getting down to her smalls and thrashing the bugs out from between her baps. Even One Of Ant and Dec had the cheek to quip: "We're not complaining!"

That wasn't all. A second live trial saw Price once again embroiled in some niche porn. She gagged and blubbled in some gloop, which sounded like the wrongest fellatio in recorded history... only to then jump in a hot-tub full of grinning Cayman. By the close of the second bushtuck, she was once again stripping off and flicking goo and dead maggots off her weird blow-up body, leaving half a dozen viewers in raptures and they slapped themselves unconscious at the thrill of a new niche arousal.

Of course, this new grud-stiffener needs a name. For the moment, I'm going for Pukkake -with the emphasis on the 'puke'. So well done ITV1. You've reached a new low. I have to blame you... because the only other person I can blame is... *points at self*... and that won't do at all.