New Releases, 16th June, with Basildon K. Pomfret, the Victorian kid

Greetings one and all. It may surprise you to learn that, in the Electric Roulette workplace lies a portal to another dimension. A 'worm-hole' if you will. It's through this 'worm-hole' that I've visited the Roulette blackguards to find out more about your culture, your music and, most importantly, the outcome of various sporting events.

The Electric Roulette office phonogram is immediately beside this 'worm hole' and often, I hear a terrible racket in my study-dorm, with perverted sexual gruntings from various Rouletteers. I am assured that the various noises are purely in appreciation of the music, but that doesn't explain the stains. Either way, I too wanted to see if this music would affect me in such a way at close quarters, so I offered my services and the Roulette team agreed (with a half-baked shrug if the truth is to be told) and sat me down at this 'electronic type-writer'.

Singles

Bobby Digital - You Can't Stop Me Now

If I'm being honest with you, I don't understand this kind of music, if it's music at all. There is absolutely no connection with the hymns I sing at St. Haricot's Boys School for Godly Fearers. However, it is worth noting that at least two of the Electric Roulette began to foam at the mouth and mutter something about 'the breaks'.

Craig David – Officially Yours

Oh my sweet Lord. What is this? We Victorian people like things that are sexless because arousal is sin... but this is taking the biscuit. One of the Roulette team has asked me if I'm listening to The Lighthouse Family. This is no sea-shanty.

Gnarls Barkley – Going On

This is a derivative of those Negro spirituals that papa told me about. Are they popular now? Really? That is interesting. The helpers at home will be thrilled to learn that they are bound for a life of entertaining the middle classes. 

The Kills - Last Day of Magic

Noisy. And crap.

Panic At The Disco - That Green Gentleman (Things Have Changed)

I'm only young, but I've never wanted to die so much in my entire life.

The Postmarks – Goodbye

I was told to put the 'video' up. They must like this.

LPs

The Herbaliser - Same As It Never Was

This is the sound of drugs going through the blood of someone really quite desperate to let everyone know they've taken drugs before. To be honest, the opiate fans are some of the biggest bores you're likely to meet.

Missy Elliott – FANomenal

Aw. Missy. She would have been place into care if she lived in my world... and you make a star of her. That's amusing.

Nigel Kennedy Quintet - A Very Nice Album

You are seemingly making celebrities of out incoherent vagabonds too. My papa would get him under the pump at the bottom of the garden and then send him stumbling and shivering into the fields to learn about work. Of course, that brings its own danger what with gardeners being known for their rapacious appetites.

Offspring - Rise And Fall, Rage And Grace

Ah. Now I recognise this. We have clowns too. Of course, no-one takes them seriously apart from those who have come down with a dose of the mentals.

Solomon Burke - Like A Fire

Good lord. He's one of the fattest men I've ever seen. I wouldn't like to carry his coffin, which, in fairness, can't be far away from being used. I'd just throw his remains in a volcano and have done with it.