Is That Guy From Foals The Most Irritating Man On The PLanet?

I wonder if you recognise this gentleman here. Take a moment to look at his serious face. He has a Hoxditch Beard, a pretentious haircut, and his shirt is buttoned to the collar despite the fact that he isn't wearing a tie. If I told you he was in a band, based on this image, what type of music do you imagine his band might make? That's right: his band make self-concious angular math-indie citing the obligitory Public Image Limited, Steve Reich, Talking Heads and Afrobeat influences. The man is singer / guitarist Yannis Philippakis, the band is Foals, and they have nothing to offer except the uncanny ability to forcefully confirm every lazy, cynical preconception you have about them. A couple of weeks ago on these pixelated techno-pages our very own Mo' Gizzle posed the timely question: "Is Johnny Borrel The Most Irritating Man On The Planet?". Borrel is irritating because he thinks what he's doing is bigger and more important than it really is. Yannis is irritating because he thinks what he's doing is more interesting and smarter than it really is. And because of his hair. His stupid, stupid hair.

Five Yannis Quotes That Make Me Die Inside

.1. "We're a pop band." The most cliched, snobby statement an art-rock band can make. If Foals really were a pop band, Foals would sound like Rhianna, The Feeling, The Zutons or Lilly Allen, and they would sell millions of records to 12 year old girls and they'd be good looking and stylish and exciting and catchy. But Foals are not a pop band, and claiming that they are is simply intellectual posturing. It's pretending to be open-minded and inclusive, while actually being the total opposite of those things. Foals make deliberately wonky, relatively complicated indie rock music. When Yannis describes Foals as "a pop band" (their myspace has them listed as "Pop / Pop / Pop"), what he is actually saying is "Like, I listen to underground music so noncommercial and so un-pop and so out-there, that my definition of pop music is just much broader than the mainstream definition of pop music. If people listened to Steve Reich regularly like I do, they'd realise how pop we are, yeah?" Or: "Most mainstream indie bands are marketed or SOLD as something 'alternative', but we've seen through that lie, yeah? And actually the really innovative, out-there stuff is being done by the so-called 'pop' acts anyway, yeah? Like 'Umbrella' or that sort of shit, yeah? I mean, we don't actually make stuff that sounds like 'Umbrella' 'cos we basically listen to pretentious, not-pop art rock like PIL and Talking Heads and Bloc Party all day and play detuned  guitars, but it serves us to pay lip service to Gwen Stefani or whoever."

.2. "Once you start thinking about music as architecture, there's no going back." You've gotta be kidding me. So what...despite this fundamental paradigm shift in Yannis' understanding of music theory, the best he could come up with was making indie guitar music which sounds a bit like Bloc Party? Foals aren't primarily influenced by Steve Reich, they're primarily influenced by prevailing trends in alternative indie guitar rock.

.3. "There’s too little room to try and do something fresh and there’s too many retro bands — we’re not like one of those." Another modern art-rock cliche. Just like Oasis, The Enemy, The View or any of those Brit lad-rock bands Yannis is referring to here, Foals clearly draw their influences, aesthetic and sound from a particular lineage of rock music, in their case Talking Heads, Television, the No-Wave scene, post-punk, and spiky art-rock in general from the late 70s onwards. Foal's PIL are Oasis' Beatles. Foals have not made a decision to rip nothing off, they've just decided that instead of ripping off mainstream 60s guitar music they'll rip off some other style instead. This can be responded to only with a shrug.

.4. "I like bands who are always the underdogs or frontmen who blow their heads off. I'm not into bands who lavish themselves like some pig in a trough." YEAH! RIGHT ON! Jesus H Christ. What are you, 16? What the fuck difference does it make how 'underdog' a band is or how much money they make? Didn't James Brown lavish himself? Jay-Z isn't an underdog is he? You're the frontman of an indie-rock band. You release product. You make a profit. You are operating in a shallow, capitalist arena. If you want to do something worthwhile and avoid having to lavish yourself like a pig, please, just go and be a teacher or something.

.5. “I can see the comparisons to Talking Heads as we are massive fans, and PiL too, but I hope people see and hear that we take influence rather than just rehash old stuff like some bands do. We’re a bit cleverer than that." Give me a break.

(Paul Fuzz)

Comments

[Mof Gimmers]

Hellfire. This makes for grating reading. However, so complete is your argument that I can add nothing more apart from threats of violence toward Mr Foal and such.

Mof

[RobG]

Paul Fuzz pulls the sword of truth from its scabbard once again and socks it to the lame-brains....excellent stuff and 100% correct!!

[Richard Roma]

Very very right. Did anyone see him on Buzzcocks? He was trying to convince us all that he was NOT amused and wished he wasn't there. Horrible little rodent.

[Thom.]

You, Mr. Fuzz, are personally fucking shite.
Why'd you have to go a write something hateful like this?
Foals are just trying to make nice music that seems unique and good to them. What's the problem with that?! Just let them if they want to.
And besides, there are singers with much more pretentious hair and clothes than Yannis; he's just trying to do what he seems fit. Isn't that what we all try to do?

I hate spiteful articles like so much, I almost votimed on my computer. Thank you.

[Electric Roulette]

"I almost votimed on my computer."

HEADLINE: Paul Fuzz becomes canonised by Electric Roulette

[B]

Is Paul Fuzz the worst writer on the planet?

I quote..

'Is That Guy From Foals The Most Irritating Man The PLanet?'

Makes more sense if you include the word 'on'

'Five Yannis Quotes That Make Die Inside'

Makes more sense if you include the word 'me/us'

Generally the whole thing would benefit from a proof read and also, a better understanding of yannis....who is not the pretentious person you claim he is. He is an articulate and honest bloke with big ideas, a quick wit and strong opinions. There ain't nowt wrong with that.

[Paul Fuzz]

Dear B

Thankyou for your assistance with identifying the grammatical errors present in my article. I have now made the relevant corrections.

Thanks again,

Paul Fuzz

[Mof Gimmers]

Y'see Foal'eads. You've got this all wrong. May I suggest that, when re-reading this article, or posting it up on internet forums for others to baulk at, you don't read it like a vendetta, but rather, I'd ask that you approach this article like it is architecture.

Mof
Editor

[F.j.]

You obviously met yannis
& he didnt like you.
(Boo f**king hoo)

He can spot a square from a mile off.

[PaulFuzz]

Yeah. Shit. You got me. Yannis used his Square-dar on me and wouldn't let me party with him so I wrote this article. Infact, any time any piece of art is criticised, you can be certain it's just 'cos the critic has been snubbed by the artist. Like, I wanted to hang with Orson Welles, but the fucker wouldn't even let me through the front gates. Man, you shoulda read the kicking I gave 'Citizen Kane'. Jesus wept, dude.

[Hm]

the most damning parts of this article are probably the comments intended to defend yannis. he may be an arsehole sometimes but he shits rubies and is hung like King Kong.

no, seriously.