New Releases, 12th May, with Rick Allen's missing arm

Hey man. Y'see this guy here? It's my old pal, Rick Allen. Rick's the drummer with Def Leppard. Now, The Deflep guys like to rock y'know? Not me. I've got other interests. Man. I dig jazz, rock, folk... but not really metal. I jus' can't buy into y'know? So, a while back, me and Rick split. It was painful at first, but y'know, after a while, we started writing letters and swapping emails and things are pretty good between us.

People always ask me if me and Rick will ever get back together, but it'll never happen. We're both happy doin' our own thing y'know? The last time I saw Rick was around the car crash... I was lying down, jus' laughing after our race with an Alfa Romeo, then, up comes Rick, blinking wildly and muttering "I'm a famous rock drummer!", "I want my mommy!" Crazy times. Well, now it's time for me to get reviewing for Electric Roulette... and there's LOADS of good records out today!

45s

Black Lips - Bad Kids / Leroy Faster

This sounds like a wrong doo-wop band. Serious.

Chanelle Hayes – I Want It All

Man. If I had a body with some legs, I'd kick this into the street. Channelle warbles "I'm a sexy lady"... well? That's debatable. I mean, I'm a severed arm and I wouldn't do this Big Brother reject with a borrowed length. Worse still, she's better lookin' than she is a singer... dark days man, dark days.

Ladytron – Ghosts

Best lookin' band in the world? Maybe. Two of 'em make my digits rise, y'understand? Hahaha! I'm only kiddin'... cuz I wouldn't know. I ain't got eyes. Man. I got someone to draw some on once... but it don't be foolin' anyone. What's this like? It's alright. If you heard it on the radio you wouldn't turn it off.

Los Campesinos! – My Year In Lists

Every middle aged man's fave new band. If this is the sound of London, then I'm not surprised Boris Johnson got in. This is seriously shite.

Nick Cave & Bad Seeds - More News From Nowhere

All you need to know about this release is that it's out. If you're a fan, you'll buy it regardless of review.

The Postmarks – Goodbye

Folk pop. Very pleasant actually. The sound of summer turning into autumn. It's a cutesy-wutesy thing, but not in a bad way. This is the rockin' sound of Horlicks and a couple of joints.

LPs

Adem – Takes

Folk man does Aphex cover. That'll get a few sales. Adem makes decent little LPs, but if you're already serious about folkie rekkids, swerve this and buy something from the 70s. Possibly.

Bon Iver - For Emma Forever Ago

Since Mojo announced that Bon Iver were in their awards list thing, everyone is suddenly giving knowing winks and claiming to have been into them for ages. Wha'? People tryin' to impress Mojo? What next? Goin' down on yer knees for Q magazine? Anyway, this song... just go on YouTube and have a listen to their stuff... don't listen to a severed arm!

Flight Of The Conchords - Flight Of The Conchords

Surely this has been out for ages? No. Well, it's very funny men doing a very rare thing. Musical comedy that actually hits the spot. I creased up and the knuckles when I heard 'em doing that one about sexy time.

Frank Sinatra - Nothing But The Best

Boom, bap, bap, tish, bedoodoo, blap blap, boom, tat ta tat tat, blap, boom.

Martina Topley-Bird – The Blue God

Sensational album that everyone should go and buy right now. Seriously good. Go and buy this and...

Shortwave Set – Replica Sun Machine

...as they're both completely essential purchases. I played a maraca on this LP... uncredited mind you... and unpaid... but that's how good this group are.

Eurovision Song Contest Belgrade 2008

Oh fuggin' 'ell. It's that time again. People come outta the woodwork and start claiming to be huge fans of this shambolic show... students have drinking games... ears bleed... I'll spend my time banging my elbow against a brick wall until it passes. Man. I hate this. Some Eastern Bloc country gonna win no doubt. Or him from France.