What is 2008 going to look like? Flying hoverboards?

I've been cheated. It's nearly 2008 and I was promised robot maids and flying cars. Instead, I've got Girls Aloud and fucking Facebocked. Music hasn't made any leaps for a while either. 2007 saw people using The Clash and Joy Div as a template, and the last lot before this lot who said 'disco punk' were Duran Duran. So what has 2008 got in store?

In an article in a supplement from a broadsheet, vapid soul void Conor McNicholas (the monkey with the biggest typewriter at the NME) took nearly half of an article before he mentioned the sound, instead, focusing on the look. Bands like Joe Lean and The Jing Jang Jong are the latest soup of the day... which means ordinary songs sang from jeans thinner than the width of their legs (hey! I can play along too!)

It seems the world (in Britain at least) is going 8-bit. Instead of looking to the future (like The Jetsons had always promised me), we're faced with a buncha kids looking to Sega Master Systems for inspiration. It's disco-punk Jim... as we know it.

Of course, the good thing about all this is that ver kids, complete with their own ways of speaking (l33t and TXTSPK), crap pop downloads and horrendous clothes, are making papes feel old maaan. They're probably going invent a new drug as well... and if they're taking orders (which they ain't), I'll have something that bends yer mind like acid but only lasts as long as pills please (shurrup... you can always top up).

For me, 2008 will see the rise of the noiseniks from France. Busy P (click here) and Mr Oizo continue to make head crunching 8-bit techno which is as funky as it is nosebleed. In fact, Mr Oizo (click here and then listen to Halfanedit), far from a one-hitter with a puppet, is continually sneaking out fantastic records that you can dance to, or jump around to. Good combo for those too shy to shimmy. The girl group stylings will continue apace... and surely Candie Payne is to become a pop-noir-star along with the incredible Sharon Jones and The Dap Kings (click here to listen... I advise 100 Days, 100 Nights). For the gold in '08, it's better to avoid young white men with guitars and keytars... and gun for something with more edge... be it rough soulful yelps or tunes to make your ears bleed.

Of course, my choices for the next thing are all backwards looking... but I'm a hypocrite. Always have been. In essence, it doesn't really matter what anyone says about what the next big thing will be because... well... no-one knows. You can't predict a taste. For every record company forecast, for every NME tip-off, those in the know... the real taste-makers (namely those who buy music) will make their own minds up, and no amount of reading and radio will ever change that. The only certain thing is that, come Jan 1 2008, I will not have a robot maid and a flying car. Damn.

 

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