International War On Simon Cowell

I know it's gonna piss off a few indie kids to open this page and find The Cowell rasp-berrying them, but what the hell, you can't expect the Electric Roulette team to be super hellafied bad-ass dons of untouchably hip record collecting cool 24/7, shit, we gotta take a break from listening to all 9 CDs of The Complete Stax/Volt Singles 1958-1968 Box Set back to back sometime, and this bein' the case you cats is just gonna have to get used to us occasionally wading in the murky waters of ...(enormous clap of thunder etc etc) MAINSTREAM POP MUSIC! WHA HA HA!

From last night's X-Factor -

Simon Cowel:"You're not fighting a war, you're a bloody girl group!"

WOAH. Hold the phone. You mean this isn't 'War Factor'? These people aren't competing to win an 18 month extended tour of duty in Helmand Province? So what's this Boot-Camp they keep talking about? It's just Simon Cowell's 36 room mansion in Beverly Hills? Are you kidding? Seriously, there's no war at all? It's just a regular talent show? I'm not gonna sit here watching that! I've been through all this before with 'Dragons Den!' There wasn't a single dragon in the whole damn show! (Paul Fuzz)